Saturday, October 5, 2013


Last night I was jolted from sleep with the loudest clap of thunder I have ever heard. Paris is experiencing a broody Indian summer at present so the thunder wasn't that surprising, but it's sheer intensity and deafening rage caused my heart to pound. I was scared. I never get scared by thunder or storms - they thrill me - and they're so rare in Paris - but this was something different. Again - POUND - the building was a cardboard box - FLASH - blinding light strobed my brain - even our blackout curtains and my tightly shut lids couldn't block out the bolts of electricity.

God was angry. There could be no other explanation. Was it pollution? Global warming? Putin? Was it that I sometimes put the yoghurt container in the bin when I'm feeling lazy?

God pounded again. It was bigger than that. God was railing at the entire fucking planet. God had stood by long enough. God had had enough. God was tired of the imbecilic, self-obsessed, non-caring, bullshitty little human race. It wasn't just Tony Abbott or Syria or the US shutdown - it was more of a general thing - god was pissed off with the entire history of man. God was stroking his great grey beard and saying - fuck this. This is bullshit. I'm starting again.  

For ten to twenty minutes it really did feel like God was tearing it down, building by building. I felt guilty, and small. Please God! I didn't mean it! I'll be better!  

Thankfully, God moved eventually away to rail at other naughty members of the kingdom leaving our building upright and me inside it drifting from one strange dream to another. In one I ran from house to house screaming at people like the house was on fire 'I'm 40! HELP! I'M 40!!' and in another I was standing shivering in an above-ground pool filled entirely with strawberry ice-cream. As I leant down to start eating my way out I was awoken by Kiki's voice calling: 

'Mama! Ice-cream!'

Further proof of all the forces greater than us.   

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