I am going grey. I was pretty cool with ageing, until this. It began with one, now there is a community. And they're not just grey, as I thought they would be - thinking - I'm down with that, when the time comes I'll just go platinum blonde, it'll be an excuse to be the Debbie Harry I always wanted. But you don't realise. It's the texture. And the length - they are short and wiry and utterly wrongtown - with absolutely no respect for the order of the look. They are neither straight nor curly, and shall not be straightened nor curled, and once plucked return more defiant and spindly than ever. I am losing control over the direction of my being and I'm not liking it, not one little bit. Perhaps deep down I thought I could overpower creeping age by still looking young - still having long hair that would do as it was told. There is this woman in the seaside village where we lived that once came in to the mothers' group to teach us about breastfeeding and she had hair down to her navel and breasts about the same and three children crawling on her like chubby little maggots. I asked her - when did you stop breastfeeding and she replied 'Stop?' She was very tired. And her hair was long and had great big steel wires through it, creeping right down to the navel to join the nipples and one child's hungry lips. And I thought - I respect that, but I don't want a bar of it. And when, two years later, I was sitting in the same cross-legged position, still breastfeeding, I realised - ah - I did that - AND moved continents and tried to be city power woman - no wonder my hair has fallen out in clumps and little dudes begun to stamp up and down on the top my head saying Death! Death! Death Grows Closer Every Day, it will happen and you will also grow uglier and there is nothing you can do about it! I am still trying to do stuff about it, and also trying not to look so much, as I suspect that is something that will help me in my gradual demise - what I can't see can't hurt me. Thanks girl from high school who said back then, upon discovering I carefully constructed the back of my hairdo every day with a pocket mirror - Why?