Sunday, July 28, 2013

what if

what if everything i write from now on to my death is in the present tense. what if i finish some things. what if i never get any more copywriting work and have to rely on my art

what if i stop thinking completely and what if there's no point to anything at all. what if there is a point to things. what if i'm missing it. what if i should be doing other things. what if i should be doing nothing. what if i'm fat. what if everyone thinks i'm a dick behind my back and what if people don't and i think they do. what is it like for people that do famous things and don't realise the effect they have all over the world - how can they - what if david beckham could know that his name came up tonight at a dinner table in the 10th arrondissement in paris and that cormack mccarthy was being read in bed and he didn't even realise. what if cormack thought everyone thought he was a dick and didn't care about his writing and didn't know of a man lying in bed loving every single word and making annoying sigh sounds every goddamned five minutes? that kills me - you have no idea what anyone thinks of you. you only know what YOU think of you and well, if you think you're a dick, then you're stuffed. it is hence very important to try not to think you're a dick - they should teach that in schools. you could get the best grades in maths and loathe yourself when everyone in school is thinking -wow - she's amazing at maths. it's hard, knowing how to be.

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