Tuesday, April 30, 2013


Tomorrow is Mayday. This whole month has been Mayday. MAYDAY! I wonder if we can truly survive here - create a life for ourselves? We're close to rock bottom. Can we swim up, make ourselves a boat? Cruise for a bit?

On May 1 there are flowers on little makeshift tables all over France, tied with little ribbons. The Mayday flowers last - I don't know what they're called. I had a little potted one last year on the kitchen sink - white - it sat there for months. 

I remember being in the country one Mayday years ago, in a convertible with two boys. We were going to a pretentious lunch out at someone's country property. I was wearing the wrong clothes, deep in the back seat. The vibe was all Bret Easton Ellis. The boy who was driving suddenly stopped at a random intersection in the middle of nowhere. I didn't know what was going on because the top had been down and I couldn't hear their conversation. Even if I could, they were speaking too fast and in too much argot for me to understand. They jumped out of the car, still talking about their boys school days or something. I didn't exist and I didn't really care. The air was sweet. There was nothing but dry grass as far as the eye could see. Were they going to kill me? And then I saw an elderly man just off to the other side of the intersection sitting behind a little makeshift table. On it were little bunches of flowers tied with white ribbons. Before the man could come to standing the boys had already thrown some cash down on the table, grabbed two bunches of the nicer flowers and were back in the car, still yammering and sharing their joint. The man slowly went to sit down again. He probably wasn't sad but the simple act of sitting down at the intersection in the middle of nowhere felt like resignation. I got back in the car. When we arrived at the château, the boys threw the flowers down on the kitchen table and went out into the backyard where their friends were drinking rosé. There were lots of similar bunches strewn all over the table. I slunk outside, wondering what the point of them was.

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