Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Crying Like a Little Bitch

My psychologist fired me and I deserved it because I cancelled again at the last minute and this time it wasn't even the right day. I wanted to work on the book but I was so upset about the firing that my eyes got sore - also I had lost my iphone this week to some magician on the metro Poissonnière steps so my old phone got answered by Kiki even though it was on 'lock' mode (old, old bricky defiant thing) and she screamed into the ear of the psychologist who was already annoyed at me leaving a message to cancel. So I cried like a little bitch in the shower because I felt so bad about being a wrong-day canceller and basically wrote off my writing day anyway. That is my current state. So much to do I can't even keep track of the dates I want to cancel. So now I'm here trying to work on the book though my eyes still sting. Was it worth it to cancel the non-appointment? I don't know. Now I need to see the pyschologist to counsel me about feeling so bad about trying to cancel her on the wrong day and her thus firing me and me getting upset about it. There's a picture of a naked chick in a Berlin hotel wearing nothing but a neck brace and a full-leg cast leaning on a walking stick stuck to the wall in front of me daring me to write. Write, write, write, you naughty little whiner.
Sorry if my last few posts have been so negative. I really do feel fine. The days are zero and then they're a hundred, that's all. They'll smooth out soon.
Especially now Kiki's birthday is over. I tried so hard to make it so special and she really didn't like it at all. Such a reality check, children. All those people, presents, cakes with sprinkles on top and her little head turned towards me, eyes spilling over with tears. She doesn't know it's a happy thing. She just knows it's different. Disruptive I suppose. 
Well that'll teach me to try too hard. It's taken days to get back on track again, I've been a grumpy little mole and so has she. 'Don't worry,' I told her last night, 'The ordeal's over.' She probably would have just been happy with one friend in the bath and a new book about a turtle. And maybe just one gateau au koala.