Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Bunny and Nothingness

The only thing worse than feeling like crap, if you're a bunny like me, is feeling like crap and not being able to write about it. Isn't that ridiculous? That the only true solace you can find in your tragedy is the fact that you have something to capitalise on. I remember at school trying so hard to fall off the monkey bars or trip myself over on the asphalt so I'd get a plaster cast. All the cool kids had them - even the uncool ones that broke something were instantly popular. They had stories. They were fascinating. You watched them revel in it in true rags to riches style - faces all red from all the sudden celebrity. I wanted that. I wanted to tell everyone how much it hurt when they put the needle in and how much the cast itched inside. But god damn if my survival instinct wouldn't prevent me from that final stage of the fall every god damned time. I tried and tried. A kingdom for a story. Anything for crutches. Anyway my point is that I've been feeling so dreadful, and experiencing all sorts of complicated and difficult things and the difficulty has been so deep that I haven't even had the energy to find it curious and thus pick up my fingers to type it; all the stories have just limped away. And now I can't even catch them. So it was all just experienced - lived - what a waste! What's the point of going through stuff if you can't at least make a telemovie about it? Existential Bunny stars in '2012: The Ungraspable'. Or the prize-winning novel by Rabbit E Bunny: 'Buried In The Warren'. Or the solo synthesizer album 'Deep Shit' by Synth Bunny; the hit track called 'So Deep You Can't Even Write About It.' Something. Anything. That's the only great thing about cruel, cruel life and all its maddening tricks - you at least get to experience stuff and grow, and get better, and hopefully do something worthwhile with it all. You can't really do much until you've got stuff to tell and that is the shitty thing about being 24. I'm quite far from 24 now, so I'm raring to do some things. 
Hopefully in 2013 I'll find the balance, and convert. Sitting at home wearing a shit-hot unsigned cast is very very pointless.  

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