Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Fluffy Goren Doona Brain

I’m trying desperately to find form, to create some sort of system in which to fit myself into, some sort of structure, but every night I find myself here, in this same position, noticing that the day is yet over again and I am repeating the words
In New York City’s war on crime the most serious offenders are prosecuted by the detectives of the major case squad.
These are their stories.
I had never noticed Law and Order before, never even knew who Goren was, but here I am again, watching him overact in that insufferable, wondrous, addictive way and now I can say the words in the beginning perfectly rather than in my own gobbledygook which The Love just admitted he doesn’t find as interesting as when I spoke it in gobbledygook. If I try now I can’t even do the gobbledygook. Because every night after we’ve finally got Kiki to sleep all I want to do is lie back on the couch and eat lamb stew and surrender what is left of my brain to some fine, grisly murder. Last night it was a pharmacist who diluted cancer drugs leading to a lovely elderly man being forced to euthanase his dying wife – uplifting stuff. The night before, the image of the lady in the trunk of the car was so gruesome it gave me nightmares. I don’t know why I’m finding depressing murder stories so comforting at night at present. I don’t even know how we ended up watching television.
It’s this struggle with definition, these fluffy days, all is flabby, muffintops, marshmallow. My brain is a doona. My mind a floatie. The days whizz by – where am I again – in a seaside town with a pram, my hair chopped off and hips that belong to some lady. A page 3 chest. Thinking about baking and the benefits of rice cereal and feeling guilty for chocolate and - What? The rain is falling. There are magpies at night and I just can’t figure out why they are singing their warbling song in the cool, black, seaside night. Is it a mating thing? Are they aware what that can lead to?
It’s time for bed. Really. Go to bed. Yesterday after having a shard more sleep there was a moment of clarity that broke and then passed before I could catch it. But it lasted just long enough to leave a memory and I really should remember that memory and try for a wider one. Go to bed.


  1. We started watching Ghost Whisperer for a while.
    Ghost Whisperer!

    Note anonymous sign off.

  2. Thanks information provide about doona....