Friday, July 29, 2011

Careful Lest it become Important

If you stop too long then you think too hard and that doesn't do anyone any good now does it.

I stopped and I thought and then the stopping lead to more thinking and then suddenly I was so constipated with thought that I couldn't start again. It was as though because I'd stopped the next thing I had to do needed to be good in order to justify the stoppedness and the stopped gap just got wider and wider and the expectation greater and greater so each time I came to attempt to put a stop to the stoppedness it was as though I had to shift a huge brick.

So I'd stop.

And then I'd find myself at a day like today where the stoppy droughty nothingness was rasping at the back of my throat so hard I just had to throw down and let something gush forward, even if it felt quite cheap as the vast gap really should have led to some sort of substance.

But I'd waited too long. And it hadn't. And the point is perhaps not to stop further and wait, but to push through the bland river of diet coke and see where you end up. Perhaps you won't know until you look back and go - hey - I thought at the time that was just diet coke. But it actually was something more. I didn't know it then because I was in it. But if I hadn't freed it I never would have known.  

Bref, I expect it's important to keep going forward. To Do, not to just Think. I'm terrible at that. I wish I was more like Woody. He is such a great Doer. He doesn't worry about the Gap, he hasn't had one since he began making films. One year, a film. Annie Hall. Do you think Annie Hall would have been Annie Hall if there had been a big Gap and lots of thinking? Of course not. Annie Hall is pure Do. All those wonderful awkwardnesses. Experiments. All there, boxed, complete. Annie is such brilliant encapsulated time passing it hurts. Woody's now. Then. I ache to mark time like that.

So I'm going to try harder. Speak, try, fluff, spew. Daily. Sorry. I'm also going to try to speak to myself a bit more rather than to you because I realised that all my favourite artists are having fun speaking to themselves. I'm always worried about being selfish. "It's not ALL about YOU Bunny." But perhaps it is. Well, I only know the inside of myself really. And I am generally most interested in what's inside You. Especially when you don't wait too long to speak. So who knows, maybe you might be interested in me. Even when I'm boring. 

Well! La-di-da...

1 comment:

  1. eternally facinated!
    i am deeply relieved you're back.
    what you think is boring is is irrelevant, your spew arranges itself quite perfectly in the ear of your reader.
    thank for stopping the stopping x

    ReplyDelete